TMNT One-Shots and Drabbles
by TMNT-Queen
Summary: Things that didn't fit in my other books, or things I felt wouldn't be good as short stories. (Some drabbles may be rather dark - you've been warned.)
1. Hurt

**Hurt**

It had been another hard day for Leonardo. But then, they were always hard now, ever since that night.

 _Don't think about it._

The blue-banded leader pushed the memory away and stood, his bad knee aching from the several hours he'd spent in the dojo. His stomach grumbled but he ignored it and walked to the lab instead. He poked his head in to check on Donnie, smiling a little when he found his brother sound asleep at the computer. Quietly, Leo walked in and shook the lanky teen's shoulder. "Donnie," he called gently. "Come on, bro. Let's get you to your room."

The genius must've still been half asleep when he got up, because there was normally no force on Earth that could get Hamato Donatello to leave the lab. Leo chuckled to himself as he tucked him into bed and pulled the covers up. He hesitated a moment, then pressed a kiss to Donnie's forehead. "Sleep well, _Otouto_."

Next on the list was Michelangelo. Leo had seen his youngest sibling playing video games earlier. He was willing to bet that Mikey was still on the floor. And true to form, the freckled ninja had fallen asleep with a controller in his hand and a small smile on his youthful face. _At least_ he _can sleep peacefully,_ Leo mused.

The memory welled up again and he forced it back down, prying the controller out of Mikey's hand and lifting him up off the cool concrete floor. The orange-banded turtle whined in his sleep. "Five more minutes," he mumbled, burying his face in Leo's shoulder. Leo sighed and put Mikey in bed, then slipped out the door on the way to his next target.

Raphael was always the trickiest. He never slept very deeply, and he could somehow sense when his oldest brother was looking in on him. But tonight seemed to be an exception. The hothead was curled up in his bed already, a half-smile on his lips. Leo smiled a little and left the room, his mind wandering a bit. He wasn't paying attention to where his feet were taking him.

So when he wound up in the room that he had been in too many times to count, it was like a punch to the gut.

Hamato Leonardo had avoided the bedroom for months, keeping the door shut and doing his very best to stay away from it. Too many memories were tied up in that place. Too many painful arose when he looked at the painted rice paper that served as a barrier. But tonight, Leo had done what he had meant to never do again. Tonight, he had entered Master Splinter's bedroom.

And it hurt.

The air still smelled faintly of jasmine and incense, of long-ago-used herbal teas and choji oil. The bed was still neatly made, the pillow resting just-so on the thin mattress. Two half-melted candles sat upon what served as a bedside table. And in between them, a single picture in a plain black frame. Eight smiling faces stared back at Leo behind a thin sheet of glass. Including a face the leader hadn't seen in months.

That awful memory surged up again, stronger than before. And this time, Leo couldn't escape it.

 _A horror-filled scream, all the warning he could give._

 _The sickening crunch of steel through flesh and bone._

 _Running._

 _Impact._

 _"NO!" Another scream, torn from his throat._ _"Father...Father!"_

 _"I have claimed my victory. No more will you haunt me, rat."_

 _Hurting. Begging._

 _"No! Please!"_

 _Donnie, weeping._

 _Mikey, holding a lifeless hand. "Papa..."_

 _Raph, frozen in shock._

 _Cold._

 _Dirt._

 _Gone._

"It's not fair!" the leader screamed, forgetting to be silent. Tears rushed down his cheeks, soaking his mask, hitting the floor. "It's not fair, damn it! To come so far, only to lose...to lose..."

Hamato Leonardo fell to his knees, crying for the first time since they buried him. "Why did you have to go?!" he demanded, clutching the picture frame so hard the glass broke. It cut his hand, but he didn't care. "Why didn't you fight?! Why did you leave us?!" His breath hitched in his throat. "Why did you leave _me?"_ he whispered.

Leo's voice shook and his chest heaved. "I can't do this anymore...I can't. I can't."

 _I can't lead the team. I can't stay strong. I can't be who you want me to be. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm-_

And then arms slid around his shoulders, pulling him into an unyielding hug. Leo buried his face in Raph's plastron and sobbed. "Raph-"

"It's okay," the hothead murmured, running a hand down his brother's shell. "I've got you. I've got you and I'm not letting go, alright? It's okay. Everything is gonna be okay."


	2. Alone, Part One

**Quick Warning:** _This is NOT what you'd call a happy chapter, guys..._

 **Alone, Part One**

 _"Sometimes, even negative attention is better than no attention at all."_

* * *

Call me whatever you want. Call me spoiled. Call me a brat. Call me naïve and innocent. Call me a stupid jokester. It doesn't matter anymore anyway. I don't care. And neither does anyone else.

It'd been weeks since we went to Dimension X, and I honestly thought that my brothers had realized how I felt about being treated like a screw-up all the time. But after they promised to keep a closer eye on how I was feeling, after they told me that they did care about me, everything seemed to go back to normal almost immediately.

I got ignored on pretty much every mission. They never listened to my ideas, or took my advice - like it was so much worse than theirs. Like I couldn't come up with anything good. Like I was just their pesky little brother that didn't really do anything but annoy them. Not even April or Casey bothered to speak to me much anymore.

The only one who seemed to care - to really, truly care - was Leatherhead. I took to spending a lot of time at his place, where we'd just hang out and talk and laugh. At least _he_ liked my jokes.

But then he started pulling away too. I understand that he was busy with his own science projects and stuff, and that he had other things to do...but it hurt. It felt like he was avoiding me, in a way.

So I started shutting myself in my room and ignoring everyone. My self-esteem took a huge dive, and when I _did_ leave my bedroom - which wasn't very often; just when I needed food or something - my smile was always plastered on.

My brothers didn't even notice.

One night, I just couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take the loneliness, the heartache, the feeling of complete and utter _uselessness_ I had grown used to. I was a burden to my family now. I knew I was. They were always complaining about me nowadays, saying I needed to pay more attention, to listen more, to follow directions.

But how could I pay more attention to them when they'd been blind to the way I'd been feeling for so long?

I slumped onto the floor, pulling my knees up to my chest. Tears stung at my eyes for the third time that day alone. I scowled. I hated that word.

 _Alone._

Hurt and anger surged up in my heart and I let out a small growl, slamming my fist down on the floor. "Why don't they notice anymore? Why don't they _care_ about me?"

 _Because you're stupid,_ a tiny voice whispered. It mocked me, that tiny voice, but it was the only companion I'd really had these past few weeks. Most of the time it didn't bother me so much. _You're nothing but a screw-up. Why **would** they care about you?_

"Cuz I'm their brother," I replied, but my voice quivered a little. "They're supposed to."

 _You sound like such an entitled little spoiled brat. They don't **have** to do anything, Michelangelo. It's a free country, isn't it?_

"Y-Yeah, but-"

 _But nothing. They'd be better off without your sorry shell hanging around._

That really did hurt. I'd been trying not to think that of myself, but it was getting harder and harder lately. "What do you want me to say?"

 _Oh, I don't want you to say anything. I'm just telling it like it is. You're a pathetic waste of space and resources. Think about how much happier your brothers would be if you weren't here._

It was true. Raph wouldn't get annoyed near as often, and Leo would have one less person to worry about on missions. And Donnie wouldn't have to fix everything all the time if I wasn't around to break stuff.

"So what should I do?"

 _Kill yourself._

I had expected that answer, just...not put that bluntly. "I-I don't know. Wouldn't it make the guys sad?"

 _You really think they'd be sad if you died? You really **are** stupid. They're tired of you, Michelangelo. It doesn't take a genius to see that. _

That was true too. Lately they all seemed more irritated around me, more prone to explode when I asked questions. Leo sighed far too often, and Raph constantly snapped at me. Donnie just rolled his eyes whenever I opened my mouth.

 _You know what I'm saying. You know it's the truth. You should just get it over with. It's better for everyone._

"But what about April and Casey?"

 _If they cared at all they'd be here, wouldn't they? They'd be asking if you were all right. But they aren't._

I took a shaky breath and clenched my hands into fists. "It's just that...suicide? I-I've never thought about hurting myself, much less..."

 _Coward._

"I am not!"

 _Then prove it._

Tears filled my eyes and I dashed at them. "What would Leo think?"

 _Since when do you care what he thinks? Trust me. It's better this way. And guess what else?_

"What?"

 _They'll finally pay attention to you. Isn't that really all you want?_

"Y-Yeah..."

 _Then do it._

Another breath. In and out.

Shaking fingers gripping worn leather.

The rattle of a chain thrown around a ceiling beam.

Feet on a desk chair.

Head through a loop in the chain.

 _That's it. Kick the chair away. Good._

Tight.

Too tight.

I gasped, my eyes going wide. My fingers grasped at the kurisagama chain around my neck, but it was too late. I couldn't get any air. The room around me blackened, my vision going dark.

And oblivion swallowed me.


	3. Alone, Part Two

**Alone, Part Two**

Hurt.

 _"MIKEY!"_

Head pounding.

 _"Holy crap! Get Donnie. Now!"_

Throat on fire.

 _"We're losing him-"_

Faces above me.

 _"Do something!"_

Room spinning.

 _"Hold on, Mike. You're gonna be okay."_

Darkness.

* * *

The first thing I realize is that my throat is so swollen I can barely breathe. The second thing I realize is that there's rubber tubing shoved up my nose and down my windpipe, forcing oxygen into my lungs.

The third is that there's a blue clad figure slumped next to me, his head and arms resting on the cot. Leo's face is worn and weary, lined with fatigue and pain. He looks old. So impossibly old for someone so young. He's seen things the rest of us will never really know about. Horrible things. Like what I did.

I swallow, the simple action sending pain through my ravaged esophagus. _I tried to kill myself._ What was I thinking? What would the guys have done if I'd succeeded? They'd be miserable. They'd never smile again.

And Leo would blame himself.

 _I'm so **stupid** , _I think, my eyes stinging. _So selfish._

I must make some small noise because his head snaps up, his bleary gaze landing on me. It takes a moment for his eyes to focus, but when they do, realization hits. I can practically _see_ the thoughts running through his head.

The strong, handsome face I love so much crumples then, cobalt eyes filling with tears. "Mikey," Leo whispers. "We thought...it's been three weeks. Donnie said that...that you might not..." He breaks off abruptly, fisting his hand to his mouth as if to stop the sob from slipping out. But it's a futile effort. The sound that rips from his lips is an ugly noise, raw with emotion and pain.

My oldest brother pulls me to his plastron, wrapping his arms around me. A warm droplet hits the top of my head, and then another and another. And then he's crying, weeping bitterly, his entire frame shaking with the force of it all. I turn my head just enough to bury my face in his chest. And I sit there as he cries, trying to forget the horrible act I'd almost succeeded in committing.

But of course I can't.

Feet pound on the concrete, coming closer and closer. Raph and Donnie explode into the lab, looking simultaneously terrified and on-edge. "What is it?" Donnie asks breathlessly. "Is everything-" Then his brain catches up with the situation and he stops midsentence, taking in the sight before him.

A sobbing Leo, his shaking arms clasped tightly around my torso. The regret and dismay in my baby-blue eyes. The fact that my eyes are open at all.

And then he too is across the room, tackling me in a bone-crushing hug. Raph isn't even a half-step behind him.

I grunt, trying to wiggle free. "Can't...breathe..." I manage to gasp out. They pull away, Leo wiping his eyes. Raph scowls at me.

"Damn it, Mikey!" he swears. "You scared the crap out of us!"

"S-Sorry, guys. I...I didn't think-"

"Damn right you didn't!" My hotheaded brother's glare intensifies. "What kind of sick person tries to freaking _kill themselves?!"_

"Raph," Leo admonishes weakly.

But he just rolls right over him. "That was a total _jerk_ move, Michelangelo! Did you even _think_ about how we'd react? Did you even _think_ about what would happen afterwards? About what it would mean for our family? For _Sensei?_ Oh, it's not bad enough that he lost his biological daughter to the Shredder, or that Leo almost _died_ during the Invasion. Oh, no. Now _you_ have to go and try to freaking _commit suicide_ because...because...damn it, I don't even know why you'd do it."

Raph finally runs out of steam, sagging onto the edge of the cot and burying his face in his hands. His shoulders quiver and a strangled sound makes it past his lips.

Strong, unmovable Raphael is crying.

Because of me.

Shame colors my cheeks and I sniffle, swallowing again even though it hurts. "Raph...dude...I'm really sorry."

"You'd better be," he replies angrily, dashing at his tears. "And you'd better consider yourself damn lucky that Leo found you in time. Otherwise Donnie wouldn't have been able to save your sorry ass."

My heart drops into the pit of my stomach. _Leo found me._

Oh my Kraang.

It all makes sense. The simultaneous look of pain and relief on his face when he woke up. The way he held me so tight, like he was scared I'd disappear if he let go. The exhaustion that's evident even in the way he's standing.

And suddenly, it's too much, knowing the pain I've caused them. The knowledge that they almost had to bury their baby brother.

 _What kind of sick person would try to freaking **kill** themselves?_

I know exactly what kind of person would do that. A monster would.

I'm a monster.

* * *

 **Sooo...I know I said it would be a two-shot, but it's quickly turning into a three-shot. My bad. XD**

 **Please leave a review, guys!**

 **Until next time...**

 **Booyakabunga!**


	4. Alone, Part Three

**Quick Note:** _So I was_ going _to add that chapter from "Hamato Raphael: The Continuing Story" in here (y'know, the chapter where Raph reveals that Mikey tried to commit suicide by cutting?) but I decided that it wouldn't really fit._

 _But if you guys want to read that chapter, you can find it in HRtCS. ;) It's Chapter 8: When Orange Turns Grey._

 **Alone, Part 3**

"Leo, what are we going to do?"

"I don't know, Donnie."

I lay on the cot with my eyes almost fully closed, my breathing light enough that my brothers think I'm asleep. But I'm not. And I can hear every word they're saying.

"We can't leave him alone," Leo says wearily. Through my slitted eyelids I see him sag down onto Donnie's lab chair. Not for the first time, a pang of guilt goes through me. He looks so old and worn. His cobalt eyes have lost their sparkle, and he hasn't smiled once since I woke up.

Raph snorts, crossing his arms. "Great. So we gotta babysit him now?" The irritation in his voice makes me flinch.

 _What kind of sick person would try to freaking_ ** _kill_** _themselves?_

"If he tried to do it once, there's nothing saying he won't try it again," Donnie says. I feel his gaze shift to me and then away. "I just...I still can't believe that he would purposely try to..."

My oldest brother wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand. "I can't believe I never noticed that he was in such a bad place."

Raph's eyes narrow. "Don't you dare try and blame yourself for his mistake, Leo. I swear to-"

"Why the hell not, Raphael?!" Leo shouts. "Why shouldn't I? _I'm_ the leader. _I'm_ the big brother. It's _my job_ to see these things, to protect you guys from them. And I failed miserably."

"We all did." Donnie's reply cuts through the tension like a knife. "We all failed. Each one of us had the opportunity to see what was going on with Mikey. Each one of us could've made a move to stop it. But none of us did."

Leo's shoulders sag and he drags a hand down his face, releasing a long breath. "So what are we going to do? We have to figure something out. Or at least make sure he doesn't have the ability to hurt himself again. But we can't leave him alone."

"I can call April," Donnie suggests quietly. "Tell her what's going on. She'll keep an eye on him until we can come up with a solution."

It's a moment before my blue-clad brother speaks. He lets out another breath and nods. "Do it."

Twenty minutes later, I find myself sitting on April's couch with a blanket around my shoulders. Everyone is in the kitchen discussing the situation. Everyone except Raph, that is.

Raph, who's standing in the doorway with his arms crossed. Raph, who's glaring at me, his green eyes snapping with fire.

 _Monster._

I drop my gaze to the floor and pull my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. My hand travels up and traces the bandages wrapped around my bruised neck. Shame and guilt fill me again and I bury my head in my knees.

A few moments pass and I hear footsteps entering the room. A large, gentle, callused hand touches my shoulder. "Mikey?"

 _Leo._

I hurt him.

 _A flash of blue in a sea of darkening vision._

He blames himself.

 _"MIKEY!"_

I ruined everything.

 _A crumpled figure on the edge of a cot, begging a still form to wake up._

I'm so selfish.

I shake my head and curl up into a tighter ball, pulling away from Leo's hand. Raph scoffs. "Let's just go. He clearly doesn't worry about what we think anyway."

Leo lingers for a moment longer and then steps back. I hear him whisper something to April. Then the window pane slides down and they're gone.

I lift my head and see that the room is empty, except for April. She bites her lip and takes a seat next to me on the couch. "How are you doing, Mikey?"

"..."

"Did you...um...did you want to talk about it? About anything?"

"..."

After about ten minutes of her trying to start a conversation and my not answering, April releases a little sigh. "I'm gonna...I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'll be right back. Please don't do anything."

Her words cut into me and I flinch as she walks away.

 _They don't trust you anymore._

The little voice is back, taunting me again. I push it away, my eyes stinging. A tear makes its way down my cheek and lands on my plastron with a _splat._

 _Monster._

 _Freak._

 _Worthless._

My breath quickens and my heart races. I have to get out of here. Out of this room, out of this apartment.

The toilet flushes down the hall, letting me know that April will be back soon. I bolt for the window and tug it upwards, then slip out into the cool night air and close the pane again. I climb up the fire escape to the roof and stand there for a moment, taking everything in.

A chilly wind is kicking up and clouds cover the sky overhead. A long clap of thunder rumbles, spurring me into action. And I run.

* * *

 **Um...so it turns out there's gonna be _another_ chapter...I felt like this one was getting too long. **

**There's gonna be one final heart-wrenching part before this tale comes to an end, so get your tissues ready. Eh heh...**

 **Until next time, guys...**

 **Cowabunga.**


	5. Alone, Part Four

**Alone, Part 4**

Within the first five rooftops I make it across, my phone is buzzing with texts and phone calls. I turn it off, not wanting to have to face the guys again.

I'm running fast across the buildings now. Too fast. My heart pumps wildly. My thigh muscles burn. My vision darkens a little and I can't get enough air into my lungs. I come to a stop on the edge of a building, hunching over and putting my hands on my knees.

Lightning cracks across the sky and the clouds open. Rain pours down in sheets, drenching me in seconds.

As my breathing steadies, so do my thoughts. And the reality of what I've done hits me.

If the guys didn't trust me before, they certainly won't trust me now.

The wind blows colder and harder and I shiver, wrapping my arms around myself. My throat aches from the effort of holding in my tears.

Everything just hurts so much.

I don't even know how I got to this point. All I wanted was to be noticed by my brothers. _I guess sometimes even negative attention is better than no attention at all._

I screwed everything up. Again.

There's something on my lips that tastes like salt. I sniffle, staring out at the city far below me. People hurry past each other with newspapers and umbrellas held over their heads in an effort to shield themselves from the rain. At this point, they'll be heading home to their families and to dinner, to a night of enjoying themselves.

But not me.

Despair wells up in my heart and I walk to the edge of the building. My mask tails whip around my face, stinging my cheeks. I wonder what it would be like to just take that final step, to end it all. To finally have done something right.

"Your brothers don't need you." The voice is back. Only this time, there's a face to go with it. I gasp as a shimmering form materializes next to me on the rooftop. It's like looking in a mirror. Except this Mikey is wearing a black mask. His face and body are scarred, and his gaze glows red. "They'd be happier if you left."

"Who are you?" I ask breathlessly, my eyes wide.

"My name is Shadow. You and I are one in the same, save for one small detail."

"What's that?"

Shadow gives me a humorless smile. "I'm your dark side. The person you _could_ be, if you would only learn to let go."

"Let go of what?" I'm afraid to know the answer.

His gaze flickers with something indistinguishable. "Of the ties you claim to the Hamato Clan. Of the happy mask you always wear. You could end it all right here, Michelangelo. You could make the pain stop. It only takes one step."

Desire and guilt are at war within me, battling for control. "I can't do that to Leo again."

"Can't do what to him?" Shadow asks scornfully. "You really think he would've cared if you lived or died? He was only relieved he wouldn't have to tell your father what had happened."

"I made him cry," I whisper. "I made all of them cry. Even Raph."

"He deserved it."

"No one deserves that pain," I retort, shaking my head. "Because here's the thing I learned that I didn't realize before. When you commit suicide, the pain may seem like it stops for you, but it just gets passed on to other people around you. Your parents, siblings, friends. And I can't do that to anyone. I don't know why I even tried in the first place."

"Because you were hurting," he insists. "Remember all the stuff they've said and done to you over the years? They didn't care about what your reaction was. They weren't there for you when you cried about it. Who was the one person that was there for you?"

"...you were..."

"Exactly. It's always been just you and me, Michelangelo. No one else matters."

"I can't hurt Leo like that. He'll blame himself."

"No, he'll blame you. They all will. Like they normally do."

"Maybe. But that's a chance I'll have to take."

"Why? Why does it have to be _you_ taking the chance? The pain? Huh? Why does it always have to be you wearing the fake smile?"

"Someone has to smile," I tell him quietly. "Someone has to be there to keep them going, and if that means taking pain for it then I'm more than willing. I'd rather be miserable for the rest of my life than make my brothers suffer and make their relationship fall apart." I take a deep breath, glancing at the people below me again. "Sensei once told me that I was the glue that kept our family together. In a way he's right."

"Always wanted to be glue," Shadow mutters. I snort a laugh and look at him, my choice clear on my face. He sighs. "Just let me give you one last piece of advice. Even if you beat this now, it'll come back stronger than ever. And you might not be able to make it the next time."

I smile a little. "We'll see."

My counterpart gives me a mock salute and disappears in a flash of light, leaving me alone on the rooftop with nothing but the wind for a companion.

I release a long breath I didn't realize I had been holding. My shoulders sag a little and I step away from the edge of the building, suddenly exhausted.

There's a shout from my left and I turn to see my brothers racing towards me. Raph gets here first, but Leo and Donnie aren't far behind.

"Mikey!" my hotheaded brother cries. "What the hell were you thinking?!"

"Can you, maybe, I don't know... _not_ yell at me? I've got a killer headache coming on."

Leo and Donnie appear next to us, Donnie nearly out of breath. "Tell me you weren't going to jump," Leo begs me. His cobalt eyes shimmer with a thousand emotions. And fear is foremost in them.

So I laugh and put an arm around his shoulders. "'Course not, bro. I just needed some fresh air, is all."

"In the torrential rain that's pouring down?" Donnie asks in disbelief.

I shrug, grinning at him. "Why not? It makes me happy."

"The rain...makes you happy?"

"Sure. Ever see Gene Kelly in _Singin' in the Rain_? Classic." And while my brothers watch in complete shock, I twirl and start dancing through the raindrops. "I'm singin' in the rain, just singin' in the rain. What a glorious feelin', I'm happy again..."

Despite himself, Leo snorts, and Donnie starts chuckling as well. Soon all three of my brothers are laughing and joining me in my silly little dance.

To see those big smiles on their faces...it means the world to me.

I know that there's a long, hard road ahead. But I also know that with my brothers by my side I can do anything.

Just for a moment, I swear I feel another presence on the rooftop. Red eyes flicker from the shadows across the roof. There's a message in them, a warning.

I smile as the red eyes disappear. _See you soon, Shadow._

When he comes back, I'll be ready.

* * *

 **Whew! That story was _much_ longer than I'd anticipated. I know the ending was kind of lame, and I apologize for that. I couldn't figure out how to end it. **

**On the upside, though, Shadow is featured in another one of my books called "Save Me." The book is a sequel, so it probably won't make any sense unless you've read the first one (titled "Forgive Me"). But I invite you to go check both of them out! ;)**

 **A big 'thank-you' to _Raphaelfangirl4real_ for pushing me to get these chapters out - as well as to everyone who's read, reviewed, and favorited/followed this story. It means a lot to me. **

**This book isn't over yet. Just this current Mikey story arc is. So please stick around. XD**

 **Until next time, guys...**

 **Cowabunga.**


	6. Helpless

_Synopsis: Donnie finally realizes he can't fix everything._

 **Helpless**

It had all happened so fast. The four brothers had taken their nightly patrol in pairs. Leo with Donnie and Raph with Mikey. There had been little to no activity, so Leo had called it and ordered everyone to head home.

He and Donatello had just reached the alleyway with their target manhole cover when it happened. A large gang of Purple Dragons stepped out of the shadows, swinging their weapons menacingly. It seemed easy enough to take them down. But what neither of them had anticipated was the man with the gun.

Donnie turned around to look at Leo, only to find a loaded pistol aimed right at his face. Chocolate eyes went wide with fear. The man chuckled darkly.

"Whatcha gonna do now, freak? One move and I blast yer head clean off yer shoulders."

The genius paled as gloved fingers tightened on the trigger. He squeezed his eyes shut, knowing what was coming and unable to stop it. The gun went off, the smell of gunpowder hanging in the air around them like the sound of the shot. But he didn't experience any pain. And when he opened his eyes, he knew why.

Leonardo was standing in front of him, pure rage shining on his face. "No one touches my brothers," he growled in the single most terrifying voice Donnie had ever heard in his entire eighteen and a half years of life. "No one." His wicked silver katana blade flashed downwards, cutting the gun neatly in half. The Purple Dragon yelped in fear and ran.

Donnie had fully expected his brother to pursue the thug. It was what the leader normally would've done. But instead, Leo just stood there for a minute, panting. Donnie bit his lip. "Leo, are you-"

Whatever he had been about to say caught in his throat as his oldest brother turned around. A steady stream of red poured down Leo's chest from the hole in his plastron.

"Oh my Kraang. Leo!"

The leader slumped forward and Donnie hurried to catch him. He set him down on the ground, holding him close and using his mask to try and staunch the flow. But the purple fabric was quickly soaked through.

"What were you thinking?" Donnie asked, his fingers shaking as he pressed on the bullet wound. "That was stupid a-and irresponsible and...and-"

"Didn't think," Leo admitted. "Just acted. Didn't want you to die."

"Well, that's a fine kettle of fish!" the genius retorted angrily. "Because look where it got you! You're...you're bleeding out and..." His words registered in his mind and his eyes widened with realization. "L-Leo...I didn't mean-"

"It's...it's okay, Donnie." A sad smile overtook the leader's face. "Always knew I would go down protecting one of you. It's what I do best."

"You're not going down yet. Not if I have anything to say about it."

But despite Donnie's bold statement, he knew there was nothing that could be done. Judging by the amount of blood that was already coating Leo's plastron and covering the ground, the leader only had a few minutes left.

"We were so close," Donnie whispered. Tears shimmered in his eyes. "We were so close to getting home safely. This...this shouldn't have _happened,_ dammit! We should be home right now, eating popcorn and watching a stupid movie. Instead we're sitting here in an alleyway and you're...you're..." His voice cracked.

Leo reached up and traced a line on his brother's face. "Shh...it'll be okay, Otouto. I p-promise."

"Don't promise me anything unless it's that you're going to be okay!" the genius wailed. "I don't want anything from you unless it means you're going to be here with me!"

"I _will_ be here w-with you, Donnie. Always."

"No...no...I don't...I can't do this without you, Leo. I can't-"

"You won't be alone. You'll h-have Raph and Mikey and Sensei a-and...and..." He gasped, pain contorting his features. And then his face relaxed. A smile overtook his lips. "I love you, Donnie. Tell the others...tell them..."

Whatever Leo was going to say vanished on the breeze. His chest rose once more and then stilled.

Donnie knelt there, shock numbing him as much as the cold. And when Raph and Mikey showed up ten minutes later, all he could do was look up at them with anguish and grief lining his face.

"I couldn't fix him," he whispered.


	7. Star Light

_A/N: Just a little story that takes place after Season 3's "Invasion" episodes._

 _Synopsis: Raph is having a hard time coping with Leo's absence._

 **Star Light**

It was stupid, really. The fact that he was out here, in the middle of the woods. In the middle of nowhere. It was stupid that _any_ of them were out here. They should be back in the city taking down the Kraang and Shredder, not sitting on their shells doing nothing.

 _Not nothing. You're waiting. Waiting for Leo to come back._

Raph's fist clenched around the tattered blue fabric in his right hand, his breath hitching in his throat.

It had been two months since the teenagers had fled New York City. Two months since the Shredder had taken over. Two months since the Hamato Clan lost all contact with Master Splinter and Karai. Two months since Leo had gone into a coma.

He had yet to wake up.

Here Raph was, out on the roof of April's old farmhouse again, staring at the sky. Alone.

It wasn't that hard to slip away, really. Donnie was too occupied with his hopeless crush on April and with trying to wake Leo up to notice his immediate older brother. Mikey was busy trying to distract himself with Crognard and with meaningless tasks around the farm. Casey was in constant competition with Donnie, trying to win April's affections. And so Raphael found himself alone.

He hated being alone.

It meant too much time to think, to hear the deafening sound of silence fill the air around him. Too much time to remember what happened.

 _"Leo!"_

 _"Dude, his shell is cracked!"_

 _"Come out, turtles!"_

Raph swallowed, trying to ignore the lump rising in his throat. He turned his face towards the sky. A memory rose, unbidden, of the four of them when they were younger. Master Splinter had taken them stargazing one night, leading them through a maze of tunnels and finally into a cavernous space with a huge grate in the ceiling.

 _Mikey's face lit up when he saw the moonlight shining through the grate. "Daddy, look!"_

 _Leo's eyes were huge as he gazed upwards. "Stars!" he cried. "Se'sei, I see stars!"_

 _"Yes, my son," Splinter replied, smiling. "They are very beautiful."_

 _"Did you know that stars are balls of gas and flame which, when-"_

 _Raph crossed his arms. "It's not **that** pwetty," he said, cutting Donnie off. _

_"Is too!" Mikey retorted._

 _"Is **not**."_

 _"Is **too**!"_

 _"Boys!" their father interrupted. "That is enough."_

 _"Can we make a wish, Se'sei?" Leo asked hopefully, tugging on his father's robe._

 _Splinter's frown softened. "Hai, Leonardo. You may make a wish."_

 _"I wanna wish first!" Mikey announced._

 _"No, **me** first!"_

 _"I wanna go first!"_

 _"No, **I** -"_

 _"You may ALL wish together!" the aging rat said, his patience stretched to the maximum._

 _"Um...Sensei...how do we make a wish?" Donnie asked._

 _Splinter sighed. "Repeat after me. Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight."_

 _"Staw light, staw bwight, fiwst staw I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight."_

 _"Now make a wish. But do not tell what your wishes are, for they will not come true if you tell."_

 _After a moment Mikey beamed. "I made a wish, Daddy!"_

 _"Me too!" Leo agreed, grinning widely._

 _"I did too," Donnie said happily._

 _Raph shook his head. "I'm not wishing for anything."_

 _"What?" Mikey gasped. "But Raphie, you **have** to!"_

 _"Wishes are for wusses. I'm not a wuss."_

 _"Your brother does not have to make a wish if he does not want to, Michelangelo. Now come, my sons. It is late, and I know four sleepy turtles that must get to bed."_

A tear slipped down Raph's cheek and he made no move to wipe it away. Something like longing rose in his heart and he sighed, getting ready to go to bed himself. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of something. Electric green eyes widened at the sight of the shooting star.

Taking a quick glance around, the hothead opened his mouth...

"Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight," he whispered. "I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight."

 _Let Leo wake up,_ the red-banded turtle begged silently. _Please. I'd give anything for him to wake up. And let us find Master Splinter. And no matter what, don't let us grow apart. We need each other - now more than ever before._

When nothing happened, Raph's heart sank. He shifted his weight, preparing to stand. And then arms slid around his shoulders from behind.

"What are you doing out here by yourself?"

"I was just getting some air, Mike. Go back to bed."

"...Do you think Leo can hear us?"

The question was so sudden that it took Raph off-guard. "What?"

"Donnie said that he might be able to hear us, even if he's in a coma. Do you think he can?"

"I don't know. Why do you ask?"

The youngest turtle was silent for a moment. "Because I...I wished for it to happen," he admitted, turning to face his brother. "I wish...I wish he would wake up. I want him to wake up and be the Leo we all know and love. I want him to help us find Sensei and defeat Shredder and-"

"We all do, little brother," Raph said. "Believe me."

"...Will you make a wish with me, Raphie?"

Ordinarily, the hotheaded turtle would have scoffed at the idea, would've turned away with a sharp retort. But instead of doing any of that, Raph slipped an arm around Mikey's shoulders. "Sure," he replied quietly.

Mikey took a deep breath, keeping his eyes on the sky. "Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight..."

"I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight," his brother finished.

"Please let us come together as a happy family again," Mikey whispered. "Let Leo wake up and help us find Dad and Karai. Oh, and Casey's father and sister, too. I know it's a lot to ask on just one star but...please."

Smiling sadly, Raph stood and pulled Mikey up with him. "C'mon, bro. It's late, and I know a sleepy turtle that needs to get to bed."

Mikey chuckled, his eyelids fluttering. He yawned and headed back into the house. But Raph paused before going in.

The hothead took one more look at the stars, the twinkling lights reflecting in his eyes. "Grant Mikey's wish," he whispered. "If anyone deserves it, it's him." Holding Leo's bandana tight, Raph followed his brother inside.

And just for a moment, the stars seemed to wink.


	8. Pride and Peashooters

_Synopsis: Raph and Donnie share a brotherly bonding moment. ;)_

 **Pride and Peashooters**

"Jeez, Don...you pick the longest route home or what?" Raph huffs, his face scrunched in concentration.

The genius rolls his eyes. "Originally, I picked the route that was the most direct. I couldn't help it that there were construction workers in the tunnel and we had to find another way."

"Yeah, like your sensors weren't showing activity."

"They got shorted out during the storm last night! I couldn't have predicted that!"

"Ugh, will you two get a room already?!" Mikey calls back down the tunnel, his tone loaded with weary annoyance. "You've been arguing all the way home!"

At that, Donnie hides a small grin, shifting to take more of Raph's weight. He grunts in surprise. "What have you been _eating_ lately?"

The hothead glances at him, scowling. "Same stuff as you."

"In that case, you're just one heavy son of a rat."

Raph's scowl deepens. "If I could put any weight on my ankle, Don, you'd be in serious pain right now."

"But you can't. Because you went off alone to try and defeat that group of Foot. Your pride will be your downfall, you know."

" _My_ pride?! Looked in the mirror lately?"

"All right, guys. Enough!" Leo steps in, his eyes flashing. "Don, do I need to take Raph so you stop arguing?"

"We ain't two years old, Leo-"

"Really? Because you're certainly acting like it."

Donnie gives an indignant yelp at this accusation, but an icy look from Leo has his mouth audibly clopping shut.

"That's what I thought," the blue-clad turtle says, turning and jogging to catch up with Mikey.

Don's eyes shine for a moment and he fishes for something in his bag, getting Raph's attention. With a sly grin, he pulls out a familiar looking object. Raph grins cheekily, holding up a small bag of paper wads. Within ten seconds, they have the peashooter loaded and ready to fire.

Donnie holds the small gun up to his lips and takes a deep breath, releasing the air in a sudden burst. The little wad of paper flies straight and true...landing right in the middle of Leo's shell. And Leo doesn't even realize it.

It takes all the self-control Raph has not to burst out laughing right then and there. "Lemme try," he whispers, the corners of his mouth twitching. Don cedes control to his brother, and Raph fires with no hesitation whatsoever.

The rest of the way back to the Lair is spent decorating the leader's shell with the innocuous white paper. Finally, Raph's laughter grows too large to contain and one loud gasp slips out from between his lips. He clamps a hand over his mouth immediately, his eyes widening. He slips the peashooter into his belt just in time.

Both Leo and Mikey turn around, Leo frowning. "What are you two doing back there?"

Donnie shrugs innocently. "I was just joking with Raph about the poor quality of the Foot Soldiers' training," he replies.

"Suuuuure," Mikey says, shaking his head. "Honestly, I don't understand you guys sometimes."

"We don't understand you a lot of the time," Raph says. "So that makes us even."

Leo sighs and they face forward again - neither one of them noticing the paper graffiti on Leo's carapace. Raph's expression softens as he hands the peashooter back to Donnie.

"You know," he says after a moment. "I'm glad I keep you around."

The genius doesn't look at him, keeping his eyes forward as they approach the Lair's entrance. Mikey and Leo go in ahead of them. "Is that just because I aided you in ticking Leo off to the extreme, even though he doesn't know it yet?"

Raph stops so suddenly that they almost go toppling to the ground. "No," he replies quietly. "Well, yeah. But...you're a good brother, Don. I'm lucky to have someone like you."

Don is silent for a moment, contemplating this. Praise from Raph is rarely given, but humbly received all the same. "Thanks, Raph," he whispers. "I-"

Then all shell breaks loose. "RAPHAEL! DONATELLO!"

At the enraged screech of their older sibling, the two culprits glance at each other, their eyes gleaming. "Come on," Don says, offering his shell to Raph. "I have a feeling that we're gonna need all the head start we can get."

With a grin, Raph climbs on. "Hi-ho Silver, away!" he yells, laughing as Don takes off down the tunnel, Leo in hot pursuit.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU GUYS!"


	9. Aftershock

_Synopsis: Even leaders need to be held once in a while._

 **Aftershock**

 _"_ _Hello?" he called, his voice shaking the tiniest bit. It was the only fear he would show. "Who's there?" And then._

 _Hissing noises erupted around him. The incessant clacking of mandibles, echoing in his mind. Lights flashed on, glaringly bright, and he stumbled back at the sight of thousands of man-sized cockroaches, their pinschers snapping and antennae twitching in disgusting synchronization. Suddenly, the cockroaches rushed forward in an inescapable wave, straight towards him._

 _Raphael screamed._

The hothead bolted upright, sweat streaming down his face and neck. It was a full minute before he could breathe normally. Finally, _finally,_ he released his white-knuckled grip on the bed, placing his head in his hands.

"It was just a dream, Raph. Get it together."

It had been hard to do that after the mission where they'd all gotten doused with several rounds of the mushrooms' "fear toxin," as Donnie had put it. To the best of Raph's knowledge, they'd all suffered some consequence since then; Mikey's increasing paranoia about Squirrelanoids, Donnie's tenseness around April, Raph's own nightmares about cockroaches. The only one who hadn't shown any outward effects was Leo.

And to be quite honest, it worried Raphael to the extreme.

He stood up, sighing a little as he made his way to the kitchen, needing a glass of water to cool his dry throat. It was only on the way back to his bedroom that Raph heard the sniffling. He followed it, thinking that it was Mikey again - for the third time that week alone.

But when the noise led him to Leo's door, a frown appeared on his face. Ever-so-quietly, Raph pushed the door open. And stopped.

Leo lay in his bed, his feet hopelessly tangled in the sheets as he whimpered. _"N-No...not my brothers. Please, I d-didn't mean to. It was an accident. Raph, please- Mikey...Don, don't- I'm sorry...I'm so sorry! I failed you..."_

"Leo," Raph murmured, shaking his twin's shoulder roughly. "Leo, wake up. You're having a nightmare."

 _"Forgive me, please! I never meant to hurt you-"_

Seeing that he was getting nowhere, Raph gritted his teeth and delivered a hard slap to Leo's face. The leader bolted awake, gasping. Reality set in a moment later and tears began to stream down his face.

"R-Raph," he whispered, his lower lip trembling.

"What did you see?"

Instantly, Raph could see it. Leo's shields going up, his "leader mask" slipping into place. "It was...it was nothing. A stupid nightmare."

Raph wasn't buying it. Judging by Leo's tone of voice, it had something to do with the mushrooms' aftereffects. So Raph did the only thing he could think of. He sat down next to Leo on the bed, intertwining their fingers together.

"Whatever you saw that day, I know it wasn't cockroaches, or rats, or comic book supervillains," the hothead whispered. "But even though you won't tell us, I think I know what it was. I can see it sometimes when we go out on missions. The way you look at me, and Donnie, and Mikey. It reminds me of Splinter, kinda - that face he makes whenever we go topside-"

"Stop it!" Leo cried, forgetting to be silent. His eyes filled with pain and anguish...and fear. And that was when Raph knew he had hit the proverbial nail right on the head. "Just...just stop it. You don't understand, Raph. You don't know what it's like, carrying this burden. Knowing that any given day, I could make one wrong decision and the price will be losing the three of you. You don't know what that constant worry and-"

"But I do," Raph interrupted, his voice gentle for once. "I do know what it's like. Remember the time I took over the team, and Mikey got hurt? Remember the time that you were in a coma for three months? Who do you think led them while you were out? I do know what it's like, Leo. I promise you, I do understand."

Leo was quiet for a long time. Eventually, he spoke up again, his voice very small. "I'm...I'm sorry, Raph. It wasn't right of me to lash out like that."

"It's okay," he replied. "But you can't keep doing this by yourself, Leo. You've been strong and supported us all these years. Now it's our turn. Let us be there for you, even just this once. Please, _Ani._ "

The leader bit his lip, his breath hitching in his throat. Then the walls tumbled down and he buried his face in Raph's shoulder, sobbing. "I'm so s-sorry," he whispered brokenly.

Raph put his arms around his twin, not even removing them when the bedroom door cracked open and Mikey stuck his head through - Donnie right below him. He didn't let go when they entered the room, the two not long in joining the hug.

And when Leo's sobs had quieted into hiccups, when the other three were fast asleep against Raph's plastron, he smiled. "Don't worry, Fearless," he said softly, running a gentle hand over Leo's head. "I've got you. And I'm never letting go."


	10. Break-up and Make-up

**Break-up and Make-up**

It had been a bad day for the turtles.

So bad, in fact, that Leo had threatened to leave altogether.

When the leader had thrown his katana down and stormed out a few hours earlier, Raph's heart crawled into his throat. He thought that he'd lost his twin for good. The panicked feeling only tripled when Donnie found Leo's shell cell on the floor in the lab; evidently Leo had left the device behind so he couldn't be tracked.

For hours, the remaining three turtles had scoured the tunnels and the city above, but were unable to locate their missing brother - and the rain pouring down from the clouds above didn't help matters. Eventually they went back to the Lair dejected and soaking wet.

And that's when Raph found him huddled in the dojo, his knees pulled to his plastron and tears leaving streaks down his face. At the sight, Raph's heart skipped a beat and guilt surged through his veins. He could imagine what the leader was replaying in his mind right now.

 _"You guys **always** contradict my orders."_

 _Raph crossed his arms. Leo had been lecturing them for an hour already - and all over a stupid mistake on patrol. "Don't give stupid orders and we won't contradict 'em."_

 _When Leo replied, his voice was tight. Controlled. "My orders aren't stupid. They are designed to protect. Sensei made me leader so I would-"_

 _"Who said we wanted ta be led, huh? " the hothead shot back._

 _"I didn't **ask** for this position, Raphael! I didn't **want** it! But I had to accept it because that's what Sensei expected of me!"_

 _Raph knew it would only take a few more words. Leo was so close to losing it. And even if it resulted in a longer lecture, it would be worth it to see Splinter's prize pupil blow his top. "And heaven knows ya can't let him down, right? Ya are such a teacher's pet, ya know that?"_

 _Leo's reaction was not at all what Raph expected. Instead of getting angry like normal, a cold, harsh mask slammed down over the leader's face. His voice turned icy. "You don't want me to be leader? Fine. I'm done. I'm done with all of it." The blue-banded turtle threw his katana down, where they clattered against the cement floor._

 _Mikey's eyes went wide and he tried to stop his oldest brother. "Leo-"_

 _"Save it, Mikey," Raph spat. "We don't need 'im."_

 _Without so much as a glance in Raph's direction, Leo stalked from the Lair and into the tunnels, where he disappeared into the darkness._

Shaking off the bad memory, the hothead swallowed. "Leo?" Raph asked, his tone impossibly soft and hesitant.

Leo raised his head, allowing his twin to see his red-rimmed, bloodshot eyes. "What do you want, Raphael?" he replied sharply.

But Raph could hear the pain in those five words. He swallowed again, licking his suddenly dry lips. "I just wanted ta...I wanted ta say I'm sorry."

"For what? For telling the truth? For saying what needed to be said?"

There was so much bitterness in Leo's voice as he looked at the floor again. And it was all Raph's fault. The red-banded ninja knelt down. "It's not the truth. Ya...ya _are_ important, bro."

"That's not what you said earlier."

"I was wrong, okay?" Why was Leo being so bullheaded? He was acting like...like...well, like Raph. Heat filled Raph's cheeks. "Leo, look at me. Forget what I said. We _do_ need ya here. You're our leader. And more importantly, our brother. What would we do without ya around to give orders? Because, as much as I hate to admit it, yer infuriatin' yet impressive stick-in-the-mud skills are the only things that've kept us alive as long as they have."

Despite himself, Leo's lips twitched. And then he burst out laughing. "You're the only person I know who could make a compliment sound that insulting."

"That wasn't a compliment," Raph replied, but he was grinning too. Then he grew serious and he pulled something out from behind his back. "These belong to ya."

The leader inhaled, hesitantly reaching out. He accepted the katana, running his fingers over the well-worn hilts. "Raph, I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get that mad."

"I don't know whatcha were thinkin'. We all know it's my job to blow up."

"Sorry. Next time I'll make sure I start spouting some random scientific crap like Donnie does when he's angry."

"Fair enough."

Raph's eyes gleamed and he threw an arm around Leo's shoulders. He was happy that he was able to make up with his brother - and that four hadn't become three that night.

"I love ya, Fearless."

"Love you too, Raph."


	11. A Little Chat

**A Little Chat**

Donnie sighed in relief as he finally sat down in the living room after a long, hard day. Since practice that morning, he'd fixed Mikey's Xbox (broken during an "intense" gaming session - at least, that was what the orange-banded turtle had claimed), repaired Raph's Shell Cell (smashed while the hothead was out on patrol with Casey), and fixed the ancient toaster that still resided in the kitchen (the appliance had caught fire due to an "unfortunate incident" earlier that day - the cause of that incident Leonardo himself).

 _"What happened?!"_

 _"I just wanted some toast!"_

 _"It looks more like charcoal to me."_

 _"Shut up, Mikey! It's not my fault the toast caught fire!"_

 _"Well, you were the one who had the bright idea to dump water on it."_

 _"WHY WOULD YOU DUMP WATER ON IT?!"_

 _"It was smoking! How was I supposed to know not to pour water on it to put the fire out?!"_

 _"Maybe because IT'S ELECTRONIC?! Electronics and water don't mix, Leo!"_

 _"Well exCUSE me!"_

Another sigh escaped Donnie's mouth and he shook his head, reaching for the laptop he and his brothers shared. Specifically, the laptop he and Leo shared - it was off-limits to Mikey because he had broken it so many times, and Raph didn't want to use it because he was more concerned with his muscles than anything else.

Leo had already been on the laptop earlier that day, and since he only used it a few times each week, that meant it was Donnie's for the rest of the evening...which suited the genius turtle _just_ fine.

A small smile crossed his face and he opened up a few of his favorite news sites. He could already feel himself relaxing as he scanned the headlines. For once, there was almost no bad news - a fact that only made his smile grow bigger.

Donnie opened a new tab, fully intent on going to CNN's website to finish reading up on current events. But when he typed in the first letter in the address bar, something popped up that made him freeze.

The suggested website was the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Chat.

The purple-clad ninja opened up the browser history and quickly located what he was searching for. The Lifeline Chat had been visited three times that week. And all during the times when Leo had been using the computer.

Donnie's heart skipped a beat. _Why would Leo go to the Suicide Prevention Lifeline Chat website unless...unless he was planning..._

Dread and fear curled in his gut and he shot up from the couch, rushing to his oldest brother's bedroom. He didn't even bother to knock before barging into the room with a look of pure panic. "Don't do it!"

Leo glanced up from the book he was reading, a quizzical expression on his face. "...Don't do _what,_ exactly?"

Donnie moved, desperately throwing his arms around Leo's neck. "Don't kill yourself. Please."

The eldest turtle blinked in stunned surprise. "I'm sorry?"

"I saw the browser history. You visited the Lifeline Chat earlier today, and earlier this week, too."

There. There was the reaction he'd been waiting for. Leo turned pale, his cobalt eyes widening. "Don, it's not what you think-"

"You _can't_ kill yourself, Leo. We need you too much here for you to-"

"I'm not going to kill myself!"

Donnie flinched at the volume of the sentence. Leo flinched at the words.

"That came out wrong," he mumbled, dragging a hand over his face. "Look, Don, I...I'm not going to commit suicide."

"Then why were you on the chat?"

"Because I needed to talk to someone." Leo's shoulders sagged and he closed his book, setting it aside. "Sometimes it's just too damn much."

"Leo...why wouldn't you come to us? To _me?"_

"Do you know how awkward that would be? 'Oh, by the way, guys, I know I'm supposed to be your Fearless Leader, but I'm really feeling crappy about myself and my situation and I don't know if I can handle it.' I see that going over _really_ well."

"But we're your _family-"_

"Which makes it ten times worse. You don't tell people you care about that you're not okay, Don. Then they don't know how to handle it, and you end up comforting _them_ instead of the other way around."

"Leo." Donnie put a hand on his brother's shoulder, drawing his attention. "We may not understand at first, but we can get through it together. That's what family is for."

A scowl crossed the leader's face. For a moment it looked like he was going to argue. Then he sighed. "Splinter will be disappointed in me."

"Why?"

"Because I'm weak. I can't handle the stress and the responsibility and-"

"No man is an island. If you can't handle something, come to us. Need some fun, go to Mikey. Need to be carefree and irresponsible for a little while, go to Raph. Just want to talk and get some stuff off of your chest, come to me."

"But I'm supposed to bear the burden of leadersh-"

"Not by yourself. Not anymore."

As Donnie stood up, a fleeting look of panic crossed Leo's face. "Where are you going?"

"To talk to the guys. Something has to change, Leo. You should be able to come to your brothers before going to a complete stranger."

"But I-"

"Don't worry. I won't tell them about the chat thing. Just that you need a break once in a while, and we need to help you out with that. Okay?"

"...Okay."

Donnie's eyes softened. "We love you, Leo. You can come to us for anything. Don't you ever forget that."

And later that night, when Mikey pulled Leo close in a hug and asked if he wanted to play some Mario Kart, when Raph offered to take Leo out on the next patrol with Casey, Donnie gave his eldest brother a small smile.

 _Told you so._

Leo smiled back. And if his smile grew a little watery, well...that was just between the two of them.

 **A/N: The Lifeline Chat is a real thing, guys. It's available 24/7 in the USA, so if you ever need to talk (and you feel like you can't talk to your parents/friends/whoever) you can go there. They won't judge you. They'll simply offer you a listening ear and advice if you ask for it**

 **All right, that's all I've got.**

 **Please review.**


	12. Calling

_A/N: I like the idea of Mikey having this, like, hidden spring of wisdom inside. He's smarter than the guys take him for, anyway._

 **Calling**

 _"_ _Donnie!"_

The genius huffed and ripped off his goggles, marching over to the lab door for what felt like the twentieth time that day. "Okay, who the _shell_ keeps calling me?!" he demanded.

His brothers glanced up from whatever they were doing. Leo gave him a concerned look. "Um...nobody called you, Don. We've literally been sitting here for the past thirty minutes, not talking."

Donnie crossed his arms and fixed his leader with a glare. "Right. I'm just hallucinating."

"Paranoid is more like it," Raph mumbled.

Mikey sighed and turned back to his video game. "Maybe you're in a coma and we're actually calling you to try and wake you up, but we can't scream loud enough."

His older brothers all stopped and stared at him. Donnie looked devastated. "...why would you do that to me?"


	13. Competition

_A/N: Written in a state of exhaustion and self-contemplation...I don't expect this one to get very many reads, but that's okay._

 _Takes place in the 2014 movie 'verse._

 **Competition**

 _What does she have that I don't?_

The thought spun in the redhead's mind as she booted her computer and pulled up a photo of April O'Neil - her rival, it seemed, in everything. Even in love.

Love.

Her heart skipped a beat for a moment. He'd never said anything about loving her. Maybe she was being foolish with her heart; it wasn't as if she hadn't made questionable choices before. But she could trust her blue-clad leader, right? He would never hurt her. Intentionally, anyway.

She was pretty sure that today hadn't been intentional, at least on Leo's part.

Caitlyn's eyes stung as she glanced back at the photo and then herself in the mirror. Her cheeks flushed and she swallowed against the lump in her throat. With a low cry that was more of a sob than anything else, the girl slammed her laptop closed and sank to the floor, burying her face in her hands.

When Leo returned from patrol thirty minutes later, she was still in the same position, except her shoulders were trembling with the effort of holding in her tears. The mutant turtle dropped to his knees beside her, immediately worried. "Cait? Cait, what's wrong? Talk to me."

The twenty-year-old looked up at him, shamefaced, eyes red and puffy. "Why did you pick me?" she whispered. "Why did you want _me_ when you could've had anyone in the world? When you could've had _her?"_

"Caitlyn, what are you talking about?" He was more confused and concerned now than he'd been in a long time - since that night he first met the girl he'd fallen in love with, the one who was in front of him now, shaking and crying. "Why would you even ask that? Is this about what happened with April earlier?"

Earlier, when April had practically thrown herself at him. When she'd snuck into his bedroom - his _bedroom,_ of all places - dressed in the most provocative outfit she could've possibly worn. When she'd draped her auburn hair over her shoulders and breasts, and leaned forward ever so slightly, and bitten her lip teasingly with eyes full of desire.

Earlier, when Caitlyn had stumbled onto the scantily-clad reporter and the awkward, red-faced turtle she was trying to seduce.

And then Leonardo understood. His mouth formed a little round 'o' and his mind went blank with shock. He didn't even have time to speak before Caitlyn started again.

"I mean, I can understand why you'd want her. She's gorgeous and sweet and says all the right things and she has a _thigh gap,_ Leo. I'm just...me." Overweight. Angry. Suicidal.

Leo shook his head and anger snapped in his gaze; his expression turned stormy as he gently but firmly cupped her face in his hands. "I don't care about a stupid thigh gap. I don't care about how April O'Neil looks or what she says or how sweet she is. I don't _want_ April O'Neil. I want Caitlyn Rose Donovan."

Cait laughed, a strangled sound, and desperately shook her head as much as she was able. "But I'm so damaged-"

"I don't care," he said with every ounce of will he could muster. "I don't care. I love you for who you are, Cait."

The world froze for a few seconds that stretched into eons between them.

"Say that again," Caitlyn begged, near-silently.

The mutant smiled softly. "I love you. I love you, and I'll tell you every single day if that's what it takes, until you believe me."

A tear slipped from her eye and she offered him a watery smile in return. "I-I love you too."


	14. When the Family is Away

_A/N: For those Leopril lovers out there._

 **When** **the Family is Away**

Leonardo was in heaven.

Well, not really, but the leader was as close as he could currently get to paradise. His brothers were out at the dump on a scavenging run and their father was off on his monthly visit to the Daimyo, which meant that the Lair was quiet and peaceful - and as such, Leo had decided to take advantage of the rare occurrence and focus on himself for once.

He'd stripped out of his belt, mask, and pads and plunged into the swimming pool shortly after everyone left, and that's where he remained - floating on his back with only his snout sticking up out of the water so he could breathe. The cool water lapped his plastron and brushed over his arms and legs, leaving a genuine smile on his face.

Eventually, the turtle emerged, dripping wet and not caring. He headed over to the corner of the living room and turned on the heat lamp that Donatello had rigged up months ago and that he'd barely gotten to use. Hours of practice and meditation and mission planning left little time for relaxing; he'd tried out the lamp once before and it had left him so pleasantly drowsy that they'd called off patrol that night.

But there was no patrol tonight. Splinter forbade going on missions while he was away, and Leo was certainly not going to argue with him - he'd leave that up to Raphael.

It took a few moments for the heat lamp to truly activate, but that gave Leo enough time to roll a yoga mat out on the floor and lay down plastron-first. The warmth and light that emerged from the lamp was intoxicating, and within minutes, the oldest turtle fell into a deep sleep.

The sound of feet should have roused him but he was simply too tired and dazedly blissful to pry his heavy eyelids open. Eventually it registered in his mind that someone was speaking to him, that there were hands on his arm as that someone tried to get his attention.

He forced himself to open his eyes. Even so, it took a few seconds before he could actually focus his vision on the person in front of him. A lazy smile crawled across his face. "Hey April," he breathed.

The redhead looked concerned as she crouched down onto his level. "Are you...drunk?"

Leo couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his mouth - and he was far too dazed to care, anyway. "No, just relaxed."

April seemed tense enough for both of them, and his words didn't assuage her fears in the least - mainly because they didn't make sense. "Should I get Don?"

"He's not here. He and the others went on a junkyard run about half an hour ago."

"Okay, then Master Splin-"

"He's visiting the Daimyo."

"Leo, you're burning up. Are you absolutely sure you're okay?"

Chuckling again, Leonardo sat up and turned off the heat lamp. Some small part of him immediately mourned the loss of warmth and comfort but he ignored it and got to his feet. "I'm fine, April, really. It's just residual heat from the lamp Don rigged up for us. I guess you've never caught the other guys using it, huh?" She said nothing, so he inclined his head towards the kitchen in a gesture for her to follow.

April sat quietly at the bar while her mutant friend scrounged up something that resembled a healthy snack. The celery sticks were beginning to look a little wilted, but they'd do for now. Leo added a small bit of ranch dressing to the plate and took a seat.

"So, what can I help you with?"

The girl blinked and fixed her blue eyes on Leo's face. "I'm sorry?"

"I'm assuming that you've got a problem that needs fixing," he said, shrugging. "I may not be as smart as Donnie, but I'll do my b-"

"No, no, it's not...this doesn't really concern Donnie." April blew out a sharp breath and ran her fingers through her fiery locks, looking frustrated. "I needed to...I wanted to talk to you."

Leonardo raised an eye ridge as he dipped a celery stick in his ranch. "To me? Why?"

She said nothing in response and the young leader decided to keep quiet until his friend was ready to speak; he'd often dealt with his younger brothers in similar situations and an extended silence was typically the only push they needed. He was rewarded a few moments later with a small sigh.

"I...I like you, as more than a friend," April hesitantly admitted.

For a good two minutes, Leo could only stare at her in shock. His celery was forgotten in the wake of that revealing sentence - and suddenly, all of the little interactions they'd had over the past few months held a lot more meaning. A gentle touch here and there as he moved her through an evermore complicated set of katas, a smile shared over a slice of pizza, a knowing gaze passing between two sets of blue eyes as some inside joke played in their minds.

Leo's mouth opened but nothing came out, so he swallowed and tried again. "I...wow."

"Look, I know it's weird and gross and you probably don't feel the same way, and I've tried to ignore it, I really have. I just...it's _there,_ Leo, and it's not going away."

He finally managed to string together a coherent thought, forcing himself to look away from those piercing eyes. "But what about Donnie?"

At that, April visibly deflated. She looked down at her feet. "Donnie and I...there's nothing there. On my side, anyway. He wants me to feel that way, I know he does, but I don't. I can't."

"Why not? April, he's funny and caring and sweet and smart-"

"I don't want any of that!" she snapped, looking up with tears in her eyes. "I don't want that. I want your strength and your loyalty and the tenderness like you give to your brothers."

The blue-banded turtle sighed and dragged a hand over his face. It wasn't like he'd never considered the possibility, or even dreamed about it for that matter, but there was always Donnie. And besides... "I have the world resting on my shoulders, April, and I don't think I could give you what you wanted. I have a responsibility to my team, but more than that, I have a responsibility to my brothers. They always come first. Always."

There was a pause and then a tiny, "I know. But Leo-"

Leo held up a hand to silence her, staring at her with an unreadable expression. "If you want this... _whatever_ this is - to work, then you have to tell Donnie. I'm not going to be the one to crush him, April. He'll hate me enough as it is."

"I know," she said again, still quiet. The air between them thickened with tension. "And I'm not going to let you take the fall for this."

 _It won't matter,_ he thought bitterly. _He'll hate me anyway._ But he just sighed and turned back to his plate, not daring to look at the redhead again.

After a long moment, April shifted awkwardly. "Right...I'll, um...I'll go now."

Then Leo was alone once more, but this time his carefree attitude was gone and he was painfully aware of how much more complicated his life had just become.


End file.
